Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You ruined the universe
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
