i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
