Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
