Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
