Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
