the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
