I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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