if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
