A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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