You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
