what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
