I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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