Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
