do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She's JV to your varsity
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
