I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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