I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
