enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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