This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
