I think my fart just growled at me.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
