dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Help. Why am I so naked?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
