Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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