Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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