i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
