girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
