oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
