U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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