actually, I'm a sock model
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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