dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
