too bad you live with your parents still
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
