Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Don't make out with my wife yet
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
