I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
