Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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