I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
