She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
