Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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