eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
