That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
