Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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