He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
