There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize