you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
