so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
