did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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