I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
NoShamevember. You game?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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