And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Still dying that you shit outside
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
