Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize