I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
