Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
