So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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