And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
