lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
