she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It's shark week go big or go home
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
