I puked a lego.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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