bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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