the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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