Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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