i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
