You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
