Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
so much tequila, so little girl.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
