watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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