I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
