The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
