operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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