the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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