Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
