The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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