She announced her abortion via fbk
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize